Question by icanmanifest: GIVE YOUR OPINION, WHO’s THE CHEATER IN THIS SCENARIO?
Guy meets girl. They exchange numbers and start talking. Girl expresses interest in guy. Guy asks girl out. They go out. Shortly there after guy discovers girl is married and didn’t disclose it up front.
Girl contends that her marriage isn’t real on the basis that her husband is gone over seas in the military and left her here… although they’ve been married 15+ years with 4 children ages ranging from 17 to 4.
Guy backs up.. girl presses forward..
Girl invites guy on a trip to Hawaii all expenses paid… guy declines and says he would be happy to be with girl if girl does the right thing and ends her marriage properly (if in fact that is what she wants…or if not guy often encourages her to work things out with husband and family) girl keeps insisting guy goes on the trip. Again guy says he has work and children to care for and says he won’t go. Girl says if he wont go she wont go. Then girl changes story and says she is going with or without guy. Guy tells girl that he does love her and would be interested in being with her if he could see the right steps from her to do what is right. Guy also tells girl if you want to be with me then you will not take this trip.. you will postpone, fix what you have to fix, then plan a trip TOGETHER. Girl insists on going.. Guy tells girl if you go that will be the end of our relationship.. if you step on the plane its over.
Guy was testing girl’s sincereity, willingness to sacrifice, and to show him if his feelings or wishes were valued, or if girl is more concerned with herself.
On day of the trip guy pleads with girl not to do it, not to go… and again clearly states if you do its OVER..
Girl takes trip!
Guy, feeling very upset over girls decision assumes relationship is over and that girl made her choice… guy decides WTF! no reason to care anymore..
Guy gets drunk.. hooks up with an ex and never sees her again…
Girl comes back from trip, guy avoids her calls… for a while…
At some point guy and girl have long talk.. guy expresses his true feelings and girl promises never to do it again…
Guy and girl continue this weird relationship where girl sees guy when its convenietn but lies alot and gets caught often…
FAST FORWARD one year…
Girl and guy have shown a willingness and desire to be more respectful, girl is making right steps by filing divorce.. guy tells girl he is super understanding of everything that has taken place and has genuine feelings for her and once her divorce is final would like a chance to be a good partner to girl…. during all this time they were each others best friend
Guy gets phone call.. guy discovers he has a son from the hook up that occured when girl left for the trip… the mother doesnt want the child… guy wants the child…
Guy and girl have been discussing serious plans for the future.. for a few weeks guy doesnt know how to tell girl about his son… but he does.
Girl is devestated… girl proclaims guy cheated on her. Guy contends girl was warned the relationship is over if she leaves. Girl conteneds she did not agree with that so guy cheated.
Guy tells girl, YOU LEFT ME.. YOU KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES… girl contends he is a cheater…..
Guy reminds girl she WAS AND IS MARRIED! and that she cheats every day of her life…. girl honestly tries to claim she is not a cheater because it is not a real marriage because she got forced into it at a young age of 18…
SO AFTER THIS LONG SCENARIO CHIME IN ON THESE QUESTIONS!
1.
Was there EVER a relationship between guy and girl?
2.
Did the relationship end when girl left for the trip?
3.
Are guy’s actions with an ex considered cheating on girl?
4.
Is girl a cheater?
And then Rant a little with your opinion!
ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
Guy did not sleep with ex as a revenge or to get back at girl. He assumed she ended relationship and was devestated of her decision. He went out with an ex, drank, and one thing led to another. Not a excuse for guy’s behavior.. but it certainly was not revenge motivated.
Best answer:
Answer by suggamama
let them go
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!.
1. There was a relationship, but a weird one. Should I say “affair”?
2. Guy told her, so he pretty much broke it off with her. It was her choice to go and break it off, or stay and be together. So she obviously didn’t care…Yeah, the relationship was over AT THE TIME, but didn’t end since you continued to talk after a year.
3. Well, if the relationship ended then he didn’t cheat on her. She WAS cheating on her husband.. real marriage or not, that’s still cheating.
4. The girl is definitely a cheater.
If it was forced, after 15 YRS and the husband being in the other side of the world, she could’ve broken it off since she’s a mother, adult. She has kids who don’t see their father, and they probably would understand and couldn’t see the difference if they were to divorce. What if HE leaves the country or something and she gets bored and calls THEIR* relationship NOT real since he’s somewhere else? That guy needs to ditch this desperate bitch and start seeing his EX to try to work things out for the sake of the kid. The kid would be born with his parents not together, and grow up with his parents not together. He should ask his ex out for a cute romantic breakfast, a picnic, or romantic dinner. Even if they both feel differently about each other now since they’re not together. They once had things in common, and it’s possible to fall for each other again and just start a happy family.
1. yes
2. no
3. yes
4. yes
I’m a student and I think this story is like a reading test
hehehe..!!
I’m not sure if my answers are correct pls. write the correct answer,,pls!!!
Firstly man yes you did have a relationship with this girl,2.no you did not end the relationship when the girl left for the trip 3.No your actions with ex is not considered cheating,4.Yes the girl is a cheater.
Hey you should have stood firm when you told her it was over when she left,the thing is you seem to love her kitty so you can’t leave her alone.You need to walk away from this girl before things get real messy,I know her type and she is always going to play on your sympathy for her,knowing that if she wines and cries a few times you will give in to her.Man this kind of situation never ends well,she is never going to leave her husband she just wants to have some fun.She is getting money from her husband.He sends her the money and tells her to go out and enjoy herself,because he feels guilty not being there to take care of her.So she’s not going to give that up .She’ll give you the whole song and dance and say some bad things about her husband from time to time,for you to feel sorry for her and get you wussirized.Man I’ve been there and done that and I’m not going back.Leave her alone go find a girl that is unattached and has less baggage,you’ll be healthier and you’ll sleep better at nights.This girl is a royal headache,do yourself a favour and leave her alone.She’s just using you.
1. You don’t disclose enough information about your situation to determine if there was ever a relationship between “the guy and girl.” Did the two of you ever kiss, have sex, go on dates, do all of the things that people do when they are in a relationship? If so, then yes. If not, then no.
2. If you meant what you said by giving her that ultimatium, then yes you and she ended the relationship because of a trip.
3. Guys actions can’t really be considered cheating because of the ultimatum and the fact that girl is already married.
4. The woman committed adultery if she had sex with you while married. She cheated on her husband if she was involved with you in a romantic way (e.g. kissing, touching, emotional connection).
My “rant”:
First, I can’t tell you not to be bothered with a married woman, however, I can tell you is that all it will cause is pain for you and her. She is bored and feels deserted with her husband being gone. However, she knew the situation when she got into it. If it is true that she married at 18, but has been married for over 15 years that she has been old enough (for some time) and able to do something about it prior to now – that is if she really wanted to.
You made the first mistake when you got involved with her, your second mistake was when you gave her an ultimatum. You shouldn’t ever give an ultimatum to someone you care about or an adult in general – human will is stronger than words. A person feels put in a corner when you give them an ultimatum (“do this or else”). It’s not fair to you or that person because you’re not giving them the choice to do something rationally – it’s just about doing something YOUR WAY. It’s like saying, “its my way or the highway.”
What you did with your ex-girlfriend cannot be considered cheating. If you are now a father and have to and want to raise your child – that child and his welfare is more important than any situation with a woman (not it’s mother). Since the married woman has children of her own, she should be understanding and accepting of a child. She is married, you were not when you helped to create this child. If she really wants to be with you, she has to deal with it.
The situation is not that complicated if her husband and your child’s mother are both out of the picture. The two of you can now realistically move on if she divorces her husband.
1 no
2 no there never was one
3 she cheated, was the guy in a relationship? I missed that part
4 she’s a cheater, a liar, a creep, a horrible mother, and did I say liar? She can clean up her business (get a divorce) before she makes new contacts not after. What a piece of work.
I can’t believe you wasted the time typing that long question (if you think I read all of that you’re nuts) she’s not worth 2 seconds.
It is always the man’t fault. Period.
1) there was at one point a really pathetic relationship between the guy and girl. She seemed to just want a man in her life and have a fantasy world.
2) The guy made it most definitely clear that the relationship was over once she got on the plane and left. He wasn’t joking around whatsoever.
3) No, he didn’t cheat, he wasn’t in a relationship. Yeah, it was a bit early to go hook up with someone else, but BREAKUPS are hard, so it’s understandable.
4) The girl is most definitely the cheater. She doesn’t seem mature or know what she wants. It’s really quite sad, but it angers me as well.
1. Absolutely. I’m not sure why they wouldn’t be. Feelings of attraction, even love, were expressed and there was talk of having a future together. What else is needed for it to be a relationship?
2. When relationships begin and end are in the eyes of the two in the relationship. Only they know when relationships begin and end.
3. I don’t know about cheating, but incredibly stupid, yes. That’s just dumb to sleep with someone, an ex no less, out of frustration and anger toward another person. The guy used the ex to get back at the girl. Very immature.
4. No question she is. If she was forced into the marriage at 18 (I’m not sure how, if it was a marriage in the U.S., most likely the officiator asked if it was of her own free will), she’s had time to get out of the marriage. Her eldest child is around 17-18, that’s decades to file for divorce! and she has just now started on the divorce? Probably scared of being on her own kept her from doing it, she never experienced life by herself as an adult. And the guy is not helping, she will continue to only experience adulthood while in a relationship. She should be single for at least a year or so before getting into another relationship.
1. yes there was a relationship, even though it was a very odd one.
2. the relationship didn’t exactly end but it was on a break.
3. yes, but technically no. technically since your relationship was so weird and you were on a break and he did tell you ahead of time that if you were to leave on that trip, things would be through between you two, so he was a free man and it was just a drunken night.
4. yes, even if the marriage isn’t “real” in the girl’s eyes, it’s still cheating nonetheless. the girl is married and has children and the man is out there overseas fighting for the nation and instead of trying to work a relationship out, she doesn’t support him then finds another man, that’s cheating.
he’s right that you were cheating the whole time and when he had a drunken night with his ex, you weren’t together, you were never really officially together, so in this case the girl is more of the cheater than the guy could be.
remember it may not be a “real” marriage in the girl’s eyes but it is still a marriage by law and the fact that there are children in the mix makes the marriage more real than the girl would like to believe.
the girl is defiantly the cheater!
1. not a serious one
2. ^^^
3. no bc he said it was over so they were not together
4. yes
The guy said it was over, so how was he cheating? SHE was the married one, so she was cheating.
You did not cheat. She called you after her trip, you didn’t try to get her back. The girl is selfish beyond words!
1. You can’t have a relationship built on lies.
2. Yes the relationship was over. You made it clear that if she left, indeed it was done.
3. You were not the cheater because you were not in a relationship and the other woman is MARRIED!!!!!!!! Just because she’s not sleeping with her husband doesn’t mean she isn’t married.
4. And YES, she’s the cheater but you are just as guilty by sticking with her after you found out she was married. She ought to be ashamed of herself, not only for doing the most disrespectful thing you can do to a person but also that her husband is sacrificing his life and she is over here living it up and screwing around. You really need to drop this woman and move on. She cheats on him but you still want to be with her? And the excuse about being forced into the marriage, first of all is highly doubtful, I assume she was over 18 at the time and able to make her own decision? We choose how we live our lives and what we do with them, NOONE can make those decisions for us. Secondly, even if she was “forced” to marry him then after 15+ years she definitely could have left by now. Not only do you have someone on your hands that does not respect anyone else she also does not respect herself.
Run my friend, run as fast as your little legs will carry you!!!
1. girl is silly, wasting your time and needs to be forgotten. You are obviously a nice guy with good ethics (which is rare) and deserve someone who is going to give you all the time and attention you deserve. You were never in a relationship, at best you were “bed buddies” and even that started with a lie.
2. If you made it as clear as you say you do in the story – whatever you two were doing was over. Plus she was married and just because she doesn’t believe it is a ‘real marriage’ makes no different. If she thought that way she should of got a divorce instead of cheating everyday like you mentioned. You made the boundaries clear and she stepped over the line and ran as far as she could away from said line.
3. You were not cheating. You were not in a relationship. Girl has no right to say you were cheating. She made her choice. She was married AND she went away effectively ruining her chances
4. Girl is cheating. Every single time she sees you, whether it is emotional or sexual. She is ruining her family with her dishonesty and if she is only staying there for the kids she is making a HUGE mistake.
RANT:
The girl seems to be living in a fantasy world that she has made for herself. She seems to believe that whatever she decides is right is the truth – not so. She is a cheater, whether she likes to believe it or not, and she is also married whether she likes it or not. Both of those are easily resolved with a divorce, which seems to have taken a long time for her to consider. Also, if she won’t stop her fantastical view ask her when the last time she had sex with her husband was. If it was anytime in the time you two have been seeing each other, point out it could easily be her being the pregnant one. Tell her to grow up and take responsibility for her decisions and actions. Sorry bout the rant, Good Luck. You deserve better – someone who has a grasp of what is real.
Bottom line you should have stopped the whole thing when you found out she was married. Shes the cheater but you are guilty also for not ending it right then and there. Go get with your ex and take care of whats yours.
i can see it from both sides.
i think the girl is extremely manipulative, and a nasty person. she is an awful mother, and the guy should leave her for good.
the guy shouldn’t have hooked up with the ex, though. that was a mistake, although presumbaly he knows that. if he was adament that they were split up at the time, however, and so it was okay to sleep with her, then he should have told the girl when she came back from holiday.
also, if he finds her being married so awful, then he should just leave her, instead of hanging around listening to her excuses – why won’t she dump the father of her children if she dislikes the marriage so much?
the guy needs to concentrate on his kid, and the girl needs to concentrate on hers.
they are no good together.
don’t hang on!
1. there was, but it was a destructive one without proper communication!
2. again, not enough communication… obviously the girl thought that it was just an argument, whereas the guy thought it was officially over.
3. i’d consider that it was a very stupid idea, but it wasn’t cheating. it doesn’t really matter, though – what’s done is done!
4. of course. she’s married. but you know that.
just end it here.
concentrate on the kids!
1.There was a relationship between guy and girl but the girl sounds like she wanted the best of both worlds ,stability for her children and fun/attention from another source.
2.The relationship did definetely end when she went on holiday as you let her know the consequences of going to hawaii and she went knowing full well of the outcome.
3.Your action’s aren’t considered cheating as you let the lady know plain and simple that if she takes the holiday then it was over.
4.Yes ,this woman is definetely a cheater (she is/was married and she saw solice outside of her marriage in the arm’s of another man)
I have researched the matter and it seems that when adulterer’s finally commit to the third party and leave the marriage that it almost never work’s(reality sets in etc) but i like to think anything is possible if you both want it.
I wish you all the happiness for the future whatever the outcome!
1) probably.. at least a FRIENDS relationship.
2) if it was a “we are friends” relationship, no it didn’t, cuz guy talked to girl anyway after the trip. if it was a “love” relationship, it was supose to be ended.
3) guys actions are considered stupid, cuz he shouldnt have talked to her after the trip unless she got devorced. he sank himself cuz he did what he was trying to avoid at the begining.
4) girl is a cheater, she cheated her husband with guy.
It took me ages to read this looong story, and I think guy should end his thing with girl, because shes a cheater, who acuses people of cheating, while she cheats.
Something guy should know, is that doesnt matter if you are on a break, if you cheat on her (even when shes cheating to someone with you) it will count as a regular “cheating”. Female mind is complicated.
1…….seems like the relationship was only sexual
2……that would be up to the guy, depending on how serious he was about that ultimatum
3……no……there was no committal….besides….no matter what she says….she was still MARRIED
4……yes…..and if she cheated on her husband, then she’ll cheat on the guy. She’s no good. Best thing guy can do is to find someone who is more honest…….this girl is not trustworthy at all.
1. There was a friendship based on a common need.
2. If the guy did make it clear to the girl that the relationship was over if she went on the trip as is said in scenario then yes the relationship did in fact end when she got on the plane.
3. No. The relationship was over. Just because a child was produced from the one night occurance doesn’t mean that the guy cheated.
4. The girl is a cheater. Because she was already legally bound to another person by marraige she was cheating. UNLESS the girl told her current husband that she was with another person and husband was ok with it.
That girl needs some serious medication.
OH MY GOD, that is SO messed up. Yes there was a relationship, albeit a jacked up one. No it was not over when she left for the trip EXCEPT for while she was gone, it was on a break. SO NO the guy did not cheat on her (maybe on himself but not on her) and YES SHE IS A BIG FAT CHEATER!! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. She will snatch you up and stomp on your heart. You should run, not walk, RUN in the other direction. Screw her. You are WAY better and smarter than that. Oh and read He’s Just Not That Into You. its a good book it can help with closure, and ANY ONE WHO WOULD CHEAT ON A SERVICEMAN IS A WHORE!