Question by youcandoit: What would a cheating partner have to do for you to take them back?
(By the way, this HASN’T happened to me, I’m trying to gauge what people expect a partner to do)
Say a partner cheated on you, what would they have to do for you to take them back?
What are the steps to recovery? I’m talking about someone you really care about and have been with for a reasonable amount of time. The easy answer would be “leave them” but I’m looking for, how long would you ignore then and make them suffer? How they can show you they are genuine and want to be with you? etc.
Anyone with a past experience would be helpful.
Best answer:
Answer by northerndreamer02
First, I would try to understand why it happened. Are there problems with the relationship? Have things been strained or distant for any amount of time?
Next, communicating and honesty would be key. Why did they cheat? What did they expect to gain? What is so lacking in the relationship that it would lead to this?
If I loved someone and trusted them, and we’d been together a long time, I would try to forgive and work past a one-time discretion.
I would have a lot harder time dealing with an ongoing affair or a serial cheater. That’s the “leave them” scenario for me.
P.S. In response to all the “I would leave them after one time” people, get real. No one is perfect. If a partner you’d been with and loved for a long time was unhappy and cheated once, would you honestly give up years of love and happiness? I can’t imagine that. I would be devastated if my husband cheated, but I would NOT just leave him without at least trying to work past what happened.
Add your own answer in the comments!.
If the person was ‘genuine and wanted to be with you’ as you say, they would not have cheated in the first place, so why bother to ‘ignore them and make them suffer’? You are wasting your time.
Much-used phrase, admittedly, but ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. You can never, never, trust again. The choice is yours as to whether you take that person back.
Good luck.
Actually for me it’s not so much what they do, it’s more important as to who they are. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of human mentality.
There was one girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with me. I will never take her back, not because of her actions, because she is a repulsive, insecure person.
On the other hand, my more recent experience, I was dumped and replaced like a week later after a very long relationship. But..she has the capacity to be a good person, in my opinion. She is. She just has to grow up first. I’d take her back without question.
I’m masochistic I guess :
No, I’m sorry. It would be as simple as that. It would be over, finito ! I will not, would not, stand for it.
they have to go back in time and change it .. that’s the only way for me .. sorry
It would be a VERY long process with me. The girl would first have to sit me down and apologize and put no blame on me nor too many excuses. She has to know she messed up and is sorry for it, regardless if “she was drunk” or “she was going through a lot of stress”. It would have to be a “I didn’t know what I had until it was gone” scenario where she regrets it completely. This shows she learned her lesson.
Then she would have to explain her feelings for me and why she wants me back. She has to legitimately love me and isnt just “trying it out again”.
If it seems believable, and it has been awhile, but not too long, since it happened, I would give her the chance, just moving slowly at first so she can prove her feelings. Would hold off on sex, talking about personal stuff, seeing each other too much, etc… For a few weeks as long as she shows me she cares with little things. Talking, kindness, not confrontational or demanding, etc.
I’ve only had one girl cheat on me, but she never came back. Probably because I expressed my hate for her and she felt like I wouldnt take her back.
If my partner cheated on me, I will find out why first! I will find out the situation too! One of my ex-girlfriends had cheated by sleeping with a guy but after she was totally drunk. Sad part was that the friend with whom she had gone to party with ditched her and left the place. With no one to control her, the guys got her drunk and they themselves were drunk! As far as i think they just went home to do shit but must have dozed off! I did shout at her for that, but i realized she had not even removed her clothes last night when i picked her up from her buddy’s house. But i was genuinely concerned about her, so i had to punish her. I did not get even a bit physical with her in a month! She went crazy and begged just to get a hug. I realized I mattered to her a lot otherwise she would not have given a damn and would have tried getting off with someone else or some other way. But she did not. So i forgave her!