Question by tthrrrp: How to confront an infidelity discovered at a bad time?
How do you confront someone with an infidelity when they’re going through a bad time in their life?
For example, you just discovered your spouse was unfaithful but :
• your spouse just found out he/she is sick
• your spouse has a death in the family
• your spouse just lost their job
• There is a family illness
Would you confront right away and add salt to the wounds, after all they’re the ones that messed up? Or if you wait, how long do you wait?
Best answer:
Answer by D W
Don’t wait and feel sorry for the spouse, get it out there NOW.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!.
I would not hesitate one minute to confront him!!! He did not hesitate to cheat on you! He certainly did not ask himself if it was a good or bad time for you to be cheated on!!
Hmm that’s a toughy because depending on how big their issue is they might try and down play the infidelity…How do you feel about the infidelity? If I were extremely upset and didn’t think there was any point to the marriage anymore I would stick to my guns, confront him head on and go out guns blazing. If I knew that despite the infidelity I wanted to work things out and perhaps seek counseling to salvage our relationship I might wait for a better time and then bring it up. It really depends on what you want to do with this information.
They are adding salt in their own wounds if they cheated. I would just be sure of the facts before you do confront. Do not accuse them if your not already sure.
Wait a second; going through a rough spot does not excuse that type of behavior. You confront them the same way if their life were normal/good.
The best time to confront a cheater is as soon as possible. They don’t deserve special consideration. The betrayal and the heartache they caused is more important than anything else that’s happening in their life. There’s no reason why you should bare the burden just to make it easier on them.
I don’t think any time is a good time. They tell you to punish your child when you find out what he did wrong, so this holds true with anything else. You confront when found out and it is one more thing for them to deal with. After all you are probably going through these bad times with him and having to deal with the infidelity.
infidelity is so much worse than any of the above – confront? no, LEAVE
There is no good or better time to confront him. It would be better to get it over with if you are unsure. Question: Are you sure about it and need confirmation from him, or is there a suspicion and you need to be reassured that there isn’t? Either way, there still isn’t a better time. It’s not a subject that waits for a “good time”. The people doing the infidelity never choose a good time for their spouses feelings, do they? Sad
Actually it depends.
If they just found out they or a family member had life threatening illness– like stage 4 cancer or something really serious then I would wait a while. Or if the parent that they were close to just died I would wait. Because it is something that bad then you can show some compassion. Compassion is not something that you give because it is deserved. It is given because you are caring person.
Jobs come and go. And if it is a relatively minor illness then people get better. I wouldn’t wait to confront in those situations.
i would be all over them like right now doesn’t matter what else is going on in their lives
wow, i guess i’m going to play the devils advocate with this one, and i will probably get a thumbs down but i’m gonna say what i’m thinking anyway.. while i will 100% agree whole heartedly that infidelity is a horrible thing and there is no excuse for it, you can’t compare that to someone being physically ill, having a death of a loved one that they will never see again, or having a family member who is very ill, infidelity is something that you can get over, but when someones physical health is on the line that is a totally different thing. if it were me personally, i would be hurt and upset if i found out that my husband cheated on me, but, you can’t turn your feelings on and off, i would still care about him and if he were about to or had lost a loved one, or if he were sick himself i could not bring myself to confront him. people are human, they make mistakes, grant it, cheating is a huge mistake that cannot be undone, but that does not mean that i would wish him any more pain if he were going thru something bad.. sorry, i know i sound like a chump, and maybe i am, but i would wait to confront him. also, if he has a loved one who is sick or who has died then they are my loved ones too, so why would i add to everyone elses despair by bringing this up while everyone else is going thru so much, one thing at a time is my motto, why add more then you have to.. now, if he lost his job, well i don’t care much about that, he can recover from that just fine, might have to work 2 jobs to pay me my alimony or child support for his kids, but that’s alright. we’re not talking about his life or someone elses life.. hope that makes sense.
While I can understand that some things have to be put in perspective I have gone through the cheating thing and I can say I absolutely lost it. You can intellectualize cheating to death but when you are actually there you don’t care much about anything else that happens actually the death thing could have been his and her situation I considered suicide, murder him and her and all sorts of other things. Is there ever a good time to discover infidelity? So when I was in that situation and if one or more of your scenarios happened I can tell you (for me) none of it would have mattered and I have the feeling I am not alone…..