Question by Samantha R: How can I deal with my 10- years-of-marriage husband’s infidelity?
I’ve just discovered my husband talking to a girl with affectionate words like dear, honey, my love, I love you, etc. He was with her and accidentally dialed from his cel phone to mine, it was 3 am in the morning. He didn’t show until 8 pm the next day. I confronted him and he say I am inventing things and he says it’s not true. How should I act? I cannot forgive an infidelity and he knew that.
Best answer:
Answer by Tammy Jo L
If he won’t even admit it, you’re in for a long haul. If you are willing to work on forgiving, he has to admit it and get yourselves to a counsellor. He needs to make amends and it will take a long time to regain that trust, but both have to be willing to work on it.
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You need to find a professorial to talk with. Perhaps a marriage counselor, minister etc. Don’t discuss with your family OR friends first. It can create hell for everyone.
Tell him you both need counseling and quickly. If he refuses to go, do it alone.
You don’t deal with it. well try to work it out if he tells you. Talk about. If he says ur in Denial win in fact he is. Its time to go. you desevre better than that
It doesn’t sound like he wants forgiveness. It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds, or he would be home at 3am. It’s an insult to your intelligence for him to be gone all those hours and say that you are inventing things. Did he offer an explanation as to where he was? It sounds like this has been going on for some time if he is telling her he loves her and calling her names, and it doesn’t sound like you just figured it all out at 3am that morning. It may not be a nice thing to do, but, if you want to hand him proof that you know what he’s doing, hire an investigator to follow him, then hand him the pictures, dates, times and everything else you can get. Until you can prove it, or unless he decides he wants out of the marriage, it sounds like he’s going to continue to deny. It would be pretty hard for me to forgive someone if they are going to continue to deny any wrongdoing. You want to know how to deal with your husband’s infidelity and you say you cannot forgive him so there is only one alternative, other than to continue to live in a marriage filled with deceit and anger. If you decide you want to make the marriage work, speak with a marriage counselor, but that requires both you and your husband. You have several options. You continue living in denial with your husband, you can get counselling, one of you can move out, you can get a private investigator, or you can get a lawyer. Ask yourself this. Could you ever trust your husband again? If the answer is no, get a lawyer.
That’s a tough one. Men are so messed up, but so’s society. Obiously he could be lieing or not. Marriage counseling would sort that out. A detective would answer that as well. If results are negative, you can decide to stay or go. Nowadays staying could be dangerous. Aids tests would help. In any case you are in charge of you and disease is a concern.
I hate to say it, but most men stray sometime. The biggest problem in society is our being split off from ourselves and then from each other. If it’s a right brain left brain split in society, as I suspect, then it’s most important for you to worry about yourself. Men tend to be more in touch with their left brain, as is the world as a whole. The right brain, women have a 10% better connection and a 30% better intuitive ability, the right brain contains all our love, humanity, happiness, insight, wisdom, sensitivity, creativity and all the good things we value, so men are often the most cut off . If you put yourself together you may not need anyone. No one can decide, but many councelors and gurus on the internt can help a lot. All the help you can get. Most communities have counceling for $ 20 a month or $ 10 a visit, last I heard.
God bless.
Ahhhhhh, forgivness or divorce?